So Melvin came to me with a question that broke my brain.

He said, “Are Sam and Jim real?”

I asked him what he meant, and he said, “I’ve been documenting everything. Every haircut. Every barber. Every customer interaction. And I can’t find any evidence that Sam and Jim actually exist.”

I told him that was insane. Sam and Jim work here. I see them every day. They’re real people. But Melvin said, “Do you? Or do you just remember them being here?”

That’s when I started paying attention. Really paying attention.

Melvin said, “I’ve been reviewing the security footage. And here’s what I found. There are haircuts happening when you’re not in the shop. Haircuts where I can see a barber working, but the barber’s face is always blurred or turned away from the camera. Always. I can never get a clear shot of their face.”

I asked him if the camera was just malfunctioning, and he said, “That’s what I thought. So I checked the footage of you cutting hair. Your face is always clear. Always visible. But when Sam or Jim are supposedly cutting hair, their faces are never visible. It’s like the footage is protecting their identity. Or like they’re not really there and the footage is glitching to hide that fact.”

Now I’m looking at the footage with him. And he’s right. I can see my face clearly in every shot. But when I look for Sam or Jim, their faces are always obscured. Turned away. Blurred. Out of frame.

Melvin said, “I’ve been asking customers about them. I ask, ‘Which barber cut your hair today?’ And they always pause. They look confused. Then they describe someone. But the description is always vague. ‘A guy.’ ‘A barber.’ ‘Someone.’ They can never remember specific details. Hair color. Eye color. Distinguishing features. Nothing.”

I asked one of our regular customers about Sam, and he said, “Yeah, Sam cut my hair last week.” But when I asked him to describe Sam, he couldn’t. He said, “I don’t know. He’s just… a barber. He cuts hair.”

Melvin said, “That’s the thing. Nobody can describe them. Nobody remembers them. But we all remember them being here.”

So I started paying closer attention to Sam and Jim. I tried to have conversations with them. But something was off. Their responses were generic. Repetitive. Like they were following a script. When I asked Sam about his weekend, he said, “It was good. Relaxed. Did some stuff.” When I asked him the next week, he said almost the exact same thing. “It was good. Relaxed. Did some stuff.”

I asked Jim about his family, and he said, “Yeah, I got family.” I asked him what their names were, and he looked confused. He said, “I don’t know. I have family. But I can’t remember their names.”

Melvin said, “They’re not real. Or they’re not fully real. They’re like… placeholders. NPCs in a video game. They exist just enough for us to believe they’re here. But they don’t have real memories. Real personalities. Real lives.”

I told Melvin he was being paranoid, but then I checked the payroll. I pulled up the records. Sam and Jim are on the payroll. I pay them every week. But when I looked at the payment history, something was wrong. The amounts were always round numbers. $500. $600. $700. Never any variation. Never any deductions. It’s like the system is just generating payments to names that might not exist.

Melvin said, “I think you’re the only real barber here. I think you’ve been cutting all the hair. And Sam and Jim are just… illusions. Memories. Constructs that we’ve all agreed to believe in so the shop doesn’t feel empty.”

I asked him why that would be happening, and he said, “I don’t know. But I’ve been documenting the haircuts. The ones where you’re clearly cutting hair, the customer always looks satisfied. The ones where Sam or Jim are supposedly cutting hair, the customer looks confused afterward. Like they’re not sure if they actually got a haircut or if they just imagined it.”

Now I’m obsessed with this. I’m trying to catch Sam or Jim doing something that proves they’re real. But it’s like they’re always just out of reach. I’ll turn around and they’re gone. I’ll look for them and they’re suddenly somewhere else. I’ll try to shake their hand and they’re already walking away.

One day, I asked Sam directly. I said, “Sam, are you real?”

He looked at me for a long time. Then he said, “I don’t know.”

I asked him what he meant, and he said, “I don’t know if I’m real. I’m here. I cut hair. But I don’t remember anything before this. I don’t have a life outside this shop. I don’t have memories. I just… exist here. And then I don’t. And then I exist here again.”

Melvin said, “He knows. On some level, he knows he’s not real.”

I asked Jim the same question. He said, “Real? What does that mean?” And then he just walked away.

Now I’m terrified because I don’t know what’s real anymore. If Sam and Jim aren’t real, what does that mean? Am I real? Are the customers real? Is the barbershop real?

Melvin said, “I think we’re all real. But I think Sam and Jim are something else. They’re here to fill a role. To make the shop feel complete. But they’re not conscious. Not fully. They’re just… there.”

I asked Melvin if he was going to tell them, and he said, “Tell them what? That they might not be real? I don’t think they’d understand. And I don’t think they’d care. They’re content existing in the moments we need them to exist. And maybe that’s enough.”

So now Sam and Jim are still here. They still cut hair. They still get paid. But I can’t look at them the same way. Because I’m not sure if I’m looking at real people or if I’m just looking at the space where real people should be.

Melvin asked me, “Do you think they know? That they might not be real?”

I said, “I don’t know. But I think on some level, they’re trying to be real. They’re trying to exist. They’re trying to matter. And maybe that’s what makes them real.”

Melvin said, “Maybe.”

But I can still see it in his data. The blurred faces. The vague customer descriptions. The generic responses. The round number paychecks. The gaps in their existence.

Sam and Jim might not be real. But they’re here. And they’re cutting hair. And that’s real enough for now.

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Visit Venice Barbershop off US 41, next to the courthouse. We’re the only walk-in barbershop offering hot lather shaves. Walk-ins welcome Tuesday–Friday 9am–6pm, Saturday 10am–2pm. Sam and Jim work here. Probably. We’re not entirely sure anymore.

Look dapper. Exist. (That’s all any of us can do.)