TLDR: Listen Instead
So Melvin came to me with a question that I should have asked myself a long time ago.
He said, “When was the last time you used the barbershop bathroom?”
I thought about it. And I couldn’t remember. I genuinely couldn’t remember the last time I used it.
Melvin said, “Exactly. Because it’s been locked for three months. And nobody’s noticed. Or if they have noticed, nobody’s said anything.”
I looked at the bathroom door. It was definitely locked. There was a small sign taped to it that said “Out of Order.” I have no idea when that sign went up. I don’t remember putting it there.
Melvin said, “I’ve been documenting customer behavior around the bathroom. Seventy-three customers have asked about it in the past three months. Seventy-three. And every single one of them just… accepted it. They didn’t complain. They didn’t ask why. They just nodded and left.”
I asked him if he’d checked inside, and he said, “I tried. It’s locked. I don’t have a key. Do you have a key?”
I looked for the bathroom key. I couldn’t find it. I have no idea where it is. I’ve been running this barbershop for years and I can’t find the bathroom key.
Melvin said, “I’ve been tracking this. The bathroom was locked on July 15th. I know because that’s when the WiFi signal started fluctuating near the bathroom door. Before that, the signal was stable. After that, it started glitching every time I got close to the bathroom.”
I asked him what that meant, and he said, “I don’t know. But it’s significant. Something changed on July 15th. Something that affected the WiFi. Something that made you lock the bathroom door.”
I told him I didn’t lock it on purpose. I told him I don’t remember locking it at all. And Melvin looked at me like I’d just said something deeply disturbing.
He said, “That’s the problem. You don’t remember. None of us remember. But the bathroom is locked. And it’s been locked for three months. And we’re all just… accepting it.”
Now Melvin’s created a spreadsheet. It has columns for customer name, time of visit, whether they asked about the bathroom, their reaction when told it was locked, and whether they seemed disturbed by the answer. He’s also tracking WiFi signal strength near the bathroom door, fluctuations in the signal, and any correlation between signal spikes and customer visits.
He said, “I’m trying to figure out what’s in there. Or what’s preventing us from going in there. Because something is definitely preventing us.”
One customer asked about the bathroom, and Melvin said, “It’s locked. We don’t know why. We don’t remember locking it. And we can’t find the key.” The customer just nodded and left. Didn’t ask any follow-up questions. Didn’t seem concerned. Just accepted it.
I told Melvin, “Maybe the bathroom is just broken and I locked it so customers wouldn’t try to use it.” And he said, “But you don’t remember doing that. And you can’t find the key. And the WiFi signal changes near the door. That’s not normal bathroom maintenance. That’s something else.”
Now I’m starting to wonder what’s in there. I’ve walked past that door a thousand times in the past three months. I’ve never questioned it. I’ve never tried to open it. It’s just been locked, and I’ve accepted it, and I’ve moved on.
Melvin asked me, “Don’t you want to know what’s in there?”
And honestly? I’m not sure I do.
He said, “I think we should try to open it. I think we should find the key and see what’s inside.”
I told him, “No. I don’t think we should. I think we should leave it locked. I think there’s a reason it’s locked and we don’t remember the reason and maybe that’s for the best.”
Melvin looked disappointed. He said, “But what if something’s wrong? What if something’s in there that shouldn’t be? What if something’s been in there for three months and we’ve all just been ignoring it?”
I told him, “Then we don’t want to know about it.”
But now I can’t stop thinking about it. The locked bathroom. The missing key. The three months I can’t account for. The customers who don’t ask questions. The WiFi signal that glitches near the door.
Melvin’s been staring at the bathroom door for the past hour. Just staring at it. Not saying anything. Just staring.
I asked him what he was doing, and he said, “Waiting.”
“Waiting for what?” I asked.
He said, “For the door to unlock.”
It hasn’t unlocked yet. But I have a feeling it will.
Here’s What We’re Thinking
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Visit Venice Barbershop off US 41, next to the courthouse. We’re the only walk-in barbershop offering hot lather shaves. Walk-ins welcome Tuesday–Friday 9am–6pm, Saturday 10am–2pm. The bathroom is currently locked. We’re not sure why. We’re not sure we want to know.
Look dapper. Don’t ask questions. (Melvin will.)
